NEVER mind THE MIND

To be passive is to let others decide for you. To be aggressive is to decide for others. To be assertive is to decide everything for yourself – Edith Eger 

Once,  Psychotherapist Stuart Geddes made an 

important discovery: we and our thoughts are not the same. The ability to separate himself from his worries became the key to calmness for him. The author talks about this in the book "Restless Man".

Where did you come from?

Restless man

"Since my thoughts came from me, I have always believed that they are significant and fully reflect my personality and beliefs - the author writes. - Everything that the brain told me, I perceived as a fact, so I believed that I was strange when he hinted. When he warned of danger, I retreated. When I explained that others were not at all interested in my train of thought, I concluded that it was better to remain silent. And when a terrible obsession struck me, I was sure: something is wrong with my moral compass, and I will have to monitor myself carefully, so as not to move from such thoughts to actions. "

But how much does everything that arises in the head every minute reflect us?

Yes, you can sit down and decide it's time to think about, for example, the pros and cons of dropping your current position, and the mind will start working following that direction. What about that song from the nineties that suddenly popped into your head today? You hated her, and now you cannot get rid of her. Where did it come from? Did you decide that it would be nice to hear this topic, or did your mind pull it out of nowhere?

It's no wonder we pay so much attention to disturbing thoughts. Once upon a time, our distant ancestors could well have ended their lives in the claws of a predator if they had not listened to their brains' frightening messages. We are not faced with such dangers now, but the mind is still set to search for and identify potential threats. It's time to change your reaction.

The choice is always yours.

There is a technique in acceptance and responsibility therapy called separation. We must admit that under normal circumstances, we get closer to our disturbing thoughts. We interact with them, and they tie us to them. But still, in any situation, we have a choice - to merge with them entirely or separate ourselves from them.

Freedom of choice was written by Viktor Frankl, a renowned Austrian psychiatrist, and an outstanding psychologist Edith Eva Eger. They both realized this undeniable and liberating truth when they entered a concentration camp during World War II. It turned out that even in a situation of complete powerlessness, a person can still choose how to react to circumstances.

When a disturbing thought strikes you, remember to choose.

During the day, thousands of thoughts rush through your head, but if in the evening you are asked to tell what they care about, you will probably be able to remember only 3-4 of the most disturbing ones. The rest of the thousands of reasons are forgotten a moment after they arise because you ignore them and do not attach importance to them. And if on Sunday before a busy work week, a flock of "and if" thoughts fly over you, you are free to choose how to react to them. You can interact with them and return to them all evening or try to separate them. Let's see how to do this.

1. Personalize the brain

To separate yourself from your thoughts, visualize your brain as an awkward but good-natured puppy or a well-intentioned but awkward friend. He desperately tries to help but doesn't know what's best for you. He often throws up random topics and waits for a response, intending to understand how to proceed. If you don't respond, you switch to something else. But noticing a strong emotional reaction, she repeats these thoughts over and over. Please give it a name and think about it whenever you start to worry. Imagine patting him on the head. Explain that you have everything under control.

What do you call it? - Source

2. Tease your concern

The brain is trying to help, but it doesn't know how to do it. Hug him mentally and say something reassuring, for example, "I know, just relax." In The Happiness Trap, Dr. Russ Harris suggests going even further - putting your thoughts to music. You can use the well-known "Happy Birthday" song. Take a hectic idea about work - something like, "I can't do it again, and I'll ruin everything." Now start singing in your head the "text" of this thought to the melody "Happy Birthday":

I can't do it again

I can't do it again

I won't be able to; I won't be right

I'll screw it up back!

Thus, you let the brain know that you are not observing the danger that it sees.

3. Name thoughts

You can most likely group your disturbing thoughts by topic. The gloom that invariably engulfs us on Sunday night, and the "if" ideas about the current work project can be classified as work anxiety. Constant fears about breaking up with a partner, although in fact, we have quite a good relationship, can be called fear of being abandoned. This technique will help you get out of the space of your head when we l